Stroke of insight... Blur of foresight

A lady: She had a stroke.

She found Nibbana - Total disattachment... but she did it through freeing herself.. involuntarily, without intent from half of her mind.

Now total disattachment would mean freedom from both sides of the mind.
A kind of death in life - or so I've been lead to believe.

The involuntary part - She believes she found meditation was a way to deliver you to the same state without toil/involuntary paralysis.

Thats the same idea as peak experience leading you to insight into heaven.. or whatever grandeous state of pure hope and bliss or love you may believe as ultimate attainment/connection.

But the issue still remains - what is the path?
Is there a single path for all?
Is there a way to prolong or sustain this form of peak?

Often the peak of a mountain is where there is the least resource - the least sustainance...
and it is for those who can live on very little and do the most.

The thinnest air, the lightest food - the hardiest of all man.
I'm going to check this now but I wonder how many larger structured persons have peaked Everest?

I'm not certain.
But I do believe you can stay up there - if you have a good reason.

I was diagnosed with Bi-polar at 18. Now thats an interesting time for all but to settle this into my identity encompassed within a traditional transition period.. its a kicker.

I have spent years explaining the happening and the state I was in to myself and having it explained to me by others. External and internal validation of identity - an element of my personality.. or an extension... or a parasite.... or an illness... or a disease to be erradicated?

I'm not sure. The one I most ascribe to is that it is an aspect of my personality.
That makes it my responsibility - an ability - a talent almost - that can be held within my control. Not to the extent that I wield it like a staff of mighty psychic potentcy, but it is something over which I can exert guidance and direction.

What I feel happened was that it was disfunctionally expressed - released without regard and through a total disengagement and lack of concious awareness of how my being related to others.

I was in moments of pure sensation and I let go. What poured out was harmful - I offer two comparisons...

The first I am almost ready to invalidate of a bee in a jar.
Not a happy bee - but necessary to pollenate, makes honey.. does great things for the world.
But don't pss him off.

The second I like better. Water.
Quiet, disfunctional, clogged river head - personally stunted and fearful of my own impact, size, relevancy - unchanneled and then BOOM.
The result - some places were pure spray, indecipherable, some were energetic splutters of emotion and some were thumping bursts over which I had lost all focus or desire to control.
I hid from my responsibility and didn't seek to hold back the tide.

Not to say it wasn't necessary - not to say it didn't serve a positive function - not to say it hasn't resulted in great character... but were it to happen now it would have little justification.

The reason I mention this is because of one of those - DOH - moments.
Ever seen an invention that you actually invented. You sketched it, you talked to your mate, you got total encouragement.. it could've saved lives or inspired billions!.. but you put it in the washing machine in the back pocket of your jeans or considered that it'd never work and left it lying about til the wind of indecision took it away.

Then you see it branded, patented, trademarked and on a shelf - in a window - in the hearts, minds and hands of billions.

How? - Not important - why? - Because you brought it into being and someone stole it?
Or it was brought into being and several people recognised it and then you all raced for realising it upon mass. I like that version more.

Then perhaps you can bring that message that you had, ill-articulated - back to yourself and then spread it clearly with extra features from your own insight - fully articulated and rolling on sixteen wheels.

I was ill-equipped to bring a particular message to the world stage.
Jill Bolte Taylor has done it.

But now I have extra features that would enhance her product.
And its not her product - the intent - the message - the Word.. it came before her.
Its come through her - she added extra features or turned it slightly so we could marvel at it from another angle. Thank you Jill.

Its helped me understand something..
Her earlier work is what interests me. She eluded to it within her explanation of what lead her to neuropathology (I'm sure thats wrong - I mean brain science).

Her brother is schitzophrenic.
She wanted to figure out his brain and do a little self exploration and help some others along the way. Pretty clear motivation as far as I can see.

So - her insight.
I think the strand from her youhful desire to save her brother (I'm obviously generalising) that matured into research and hope for mankind and transcendent knowledge was galvanised into wisdom by her unique experience. A wonderful convergence.

My insight was more selfish - I wanted to understand myself and seek more insight into personal experience - which expanded to assisting others with their balance, then realising that it was a general transcendent desire for easing things in and out of reality that I was discussing.

She chats about this at the beggining of the clip when she discusses the differences between a delusional and someone who dreams and manifests/makes it happen.

Say you have a day at the park in your dream.
You can go and make that happen. Its making your dreams come true - or some version of.

If its beyond traditional reality and you insist its not - is it a question of time? A question of how intently you are focusing on the details and dotting the i's and t's of making reality.

Thought iris - this is the means by which you focus your mental constructs/objects and thus build your reality and form your relationships with it and with your identity.

What I designed was a means utilising narrative to flex this iris - this muscle of manifestation (which is a lame name and not the one I was going to use - I was thinking of seeking a latin name) - thus you have a workout for the ability to create. A creativity/intuition work out.

Not only to stimulate creativity but also to shut it down - thus allowing the same effect as her stroke - except in a controlled manner that holds anticipation and some form of run up.

You slowly submerge yourself and become accustomed to the disorientation - like staring at the sun.

She described the lack of orientation when she describes looking for her business card - when the numbers phase out of visual grasp and shift in and out of clarity and understanding.

I would imagine that idocy or innocense is a blessing in times of extreme peril.
We create our own pain - our own peril - these are learned experiences.

There is a Polish expression delivered to a child when they fall.
Quickly to kneel by their side and say.. "OH! - Did you catch the rabbit!?"

The clear intention is to disorient away from an extreme and unfamiliar sensation in the body - to move away from the idea that change must equal a negative body response - and to allow them to consider the pursuit of a fluffy tailed create.

Imagine if the world narrative and perspective, could for moments - only certain moments when it allowed itself - to chase the rabbit (not the dragon, I'm not encouraging opium for the people... I mean, not entertainment - entertainment and not pain would be a terrible thing... much better we have war and holding attention through fear than... oh hold on.. - I apologise for that momentary grasp of clarity.

Ooops.. I didn't catch the rabbit. It ran down that hole. I wonder how far down I should follow it?

Ah no matter - I'm sure it leads right back round to exactly the same place. Probably a better view from the other side anyway.

Good news

So Georgia.

Its okay now.. ish.

I think its sort of the equivalent of seeing a sleeping giant and kicking it over and over again for twenty years and then the thing wakes up. Its startling, especially when it moves with rapidity and lucidness - as if stillness for so long has brought clarity of mind and defined purpose.

As though that behemoth has been running through - or drilling - the motions for so long that it anticipates everything and can breach and push its desires with little regard but also little combatable offence to others. They showed JUST enough self control that their actions were not quashed by open acts against them being forced.

Vengence is not the tiny pellet you want to leave in a sleeping mind.
It grows and infects all opportunity, colours and filters events and relationships and will burst through the top soil in an ugly gnarled mess.

I mention this because I appear to be sleeping with my aspirations right now.
Not entirely so as each opportunity that rises is coloured with intention and is moving more inevitably and hopefully than useusual. Slow and steady wins the race.. but it can be a real challenge to hold the steady - retain the course when other supposedly easier options appear.

Retaining a single image/vision/goal in mind is - I don't know whether its hard.
But when others are expressing enjoyment at how they spend their lives then the inclination is to entertain their goal for a moment. Relish their good news and party with them - you neglect the fact that their goal is enjoyable as it has been part of their development. Part of their journey on the way to something else and they are now at a plateau, ready to take the next ascent.

By partying with them... its a wonderful ride on the coattails but just as though you grabbed the tail of a running beast of fulfilment - if you loosen your grip for a moment - you'll be flicked away into oblivion.

I am at a plateau - that doesn't mean its the top - but its not the bottom either.
And I'm assessing direction. Figuring out what kit I need. Whose in my team...

What information I need - thats the good news part.
I do need good news to urge me forward. But I also need bad news to get me the hell out of the plateau.

If I wait here long enough the seasons will change.
But then we'll endure such horror through ill preparation - Prediction and forecasting is a tricky thing.

I had a conversation about forecasting - socioeconomic.
Can it be objective? - Can it be anything other than the hopes or fearmongering of another individual? - Does the involvement of many, the tempering or moderation of a research institute assist in removing intent upon the end point?

I'm not convinced forecasting exists at all. I think the endevour is valuable but the analysis of forecasting must occur. The level to which it occurs is skill - but then so is subtle manipulation.
With ease and gentle guidance we can be nudged into most things - with consistent exposure to certain beliefs, certain forecasts, certain visions of the world - certain news spoken in certain tones and voices: We can believe and have faith in many unspeakable things.

So - If I'm asleep. And I'm dreaming. I'm contemplating in my fertile unconcious the actions and resources (whether physical, event, activity or mental objects/constructs) that I have encountered up til now.

There is a seed.

That seed is sitting in my brain - that which has been delivered with impact is probably deepest down. But they are also the more potent seeds.

I have relationships with people who can tend the top soil - till the earth and provide me with new ground, they can do the weeding. But only if 1. They can be arsd or 2. If they know what I consider to be weeds.

Are they employed by me or are they acting in alignment with me - or are they simply indiscriminantly weeding.

What is their basis for tending to my unconcious? - Do I realise what their value and belief system is and the effect its having?

This post is largely about what is going on for me in relation to the project.
I'm mentally and physically preparing for what is likely to be a demanding year.

I've seen in almost everything I've read/watched etc... recently that there opportunity comes in the shape of a shtstorm.

So when we ask for something - we are challenged into becoming the person prepared for it - challenged into understanding what it takes to do that which is necessary.

So it should make sense that those who reach/dream/pray/quest for the greatest things are challenged upon making the decision to acquire or attain these heights.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps - I should be looking at what I'm being challenged by and realise what I am being passive about - and do that with the good news in mind that confronting and surmounting the challenge will leave me with a specific capacity. Then to recognise the correlation between my future capacity and my desire for a particular state in the future.

I know I am seeking clarity and patience.
So - I'm sent more distractions that I could possibly imagine. Actually thats not true so I'd better be careful. I can image a hell of a lot more distraction so I'm going to reign that in.

So distractions are there.
Clarity is beyond and within those distractions.

What is my capacity - what are my resources - how do they meet?

Hmm...

Well - good news is I know they can.
Support network is the first thing I'm turning to. Thats not necessary immediately I need to consider what needs to be done immediately. Get myself into a place ready to accept rather than ignore the challenge - listen carefully to its nature and then notice what I can do about it.

So instead of fleeing the scene - articulate, define, recognise, realise and know my responsibility - know I chose it and that I can put the dang thing down whenever I want.



I know I'm not going to.. Or am I - I should at least recognise its a possibility to quit otherwise I'm doing it through duty. Perhaps then the challenge is to acknowledge that I can quit.
I've been trying to NOT do something about challenges I face for some time now.
To indulge in the distractions - to find something that is unrelated to the core ideals and my core values. Perhaps in that its recognition that I have further capacity. That my eggs aren't all in this one basket - that I can diversify.

But then I'm taking an MBA - that diversifies things a bit. Until I start. Thats not going to fully be seen as a distraction - a worthy one. Its still a..

Now hold on.
If I'm not acknowledging the MBA as I haven't experienced it - and thats something I'm signed and sealed to.. then what is my sentiment towards the rest of this stuff that I have no definitive date/investment/outline to (although I do its self realised)???

Acting as if in clarity.
If that were the case I could pick up anything and lay it down again and it wouldn't stick.
I could assess and realise the most appropriate moment to address it.

So I'm addressing - recognising this thought. Knowing I've got to deal with this blog.

But there are other things to know what they are rather than push them into the pile of darkeness that resides in the possible futures of myself.

Doing that isn't clarity - So.. I bid you adieu. I'm off to dig around in my unconcious and till the earth. Maybe do some weeding whilst I'm at it.

p.s - Don't try to cook quinoa exactly like cous cous - it may look the same. It is not.

One laptop per child... One flaming torch per family

Jimmie Rodgers, the director general of regional development agency, the Secretariat of the Pacific Community, said the laptops "have the potential to revolutionise education in ways that are difficult to imagine".

With the advent of fire wouldn't it have been wonderful for the inventor/discover of said cooking and warmth innovation to have issued some fire - perhaps a stick aflame - to every family.

This glorious benefactor would indeed revolutionise the lives beyond the imagination.
Can anyone imagine a revolution that had some negative repurcussions?
Some repurcussions and end effects that were, unimaginably terrifying and horrific with echoes through history?

Nah - course not.

So I'm all for this. Lets give them a laptop, an i-pod, a gun, a swimming pool (don't teach them how to swim though) and... perhaps an ill-disciplined army with an arsenal of unstable chemical weapons. By them I of course mean juvenilles, not children, to deliver children that kind of technology would be irresponsible at that stage of development. Their particular needs and drivers aren't restrained or disciplined enough for them to harness this new capacity. No no - we'll wait until they have internal infrastructure in their minds and have advanced to being juvenilles.

This post is sort of about this south pacific island where each child now has a laptop. It hasn't been excecuted by Intel, neither is it the logistical victory of supplying the entirity of Africa...
But its a success on an objective - certainly something to speak of.

It concerns me because I have discussed online learning modules, distance learning (e-learning) via multimedia portals and also supplying information via net to disengaged (via tech capacity) communities. So... I should be pleased if everyone has one of these little gadgets. They're all plugged in, they've all got access - and access is key to empowerment and sustainable development. Its key to education, it advances healthcare and yet - who plugged them in?
Why did they plug them in?
Can they unplug them?
How do they remain plugged in?
Can they unplug themselves if they want to?
What issues of dependency does this create if Ethiopia is still dealing with aid dependency after a billion dollar infrastructure investment scheme that was wiped out by ane bad season despite seeming success for several years.

Its great to damn inaction and excessive contemplation and strive forward to offer choice to the masses on the basis that you are crediting others with intelligence and independence - it could be considered the way of the free market.

But I refer back to extremes to illustrate a point I haven't fully articulated to myself yet.
Give the man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Give the man a new and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Give the man a trawler and he'll trade off his livelihood and that of the man that could've had one fish and at least have lived for one day.

Quality - quantity - and new elites, desires and dependencies...
A slow evolution of capacity or enforced need without meeting core internal needs that allow them to seek basic external solutions?

My place to comment? - Seems I've started.

Personally - I don't think one laptop per child is the best objective to begin with if it detracts funds from other initiatives. I think there are intemediary centres that would allow information to be digested and the instututes that held those access points could be monitored and the impact could be monitored more effectively allowing for refinement.
Engagement campaigns with the community could be supported so they don't end up with a nation plugged into Warcraft.

I don't know enough about the functionality of these items - and I'm sure these companies have done their due diligence, and that this initiative is the BEST of all innovations they could apply their funding and energy to... but seems to me - maybe.. just maybe - there are many financial beneficiaries external to the locations where these projects are implemented, and that if you ran a needs assessment in these areas, 'laptop' doesn't come at the top of too many of the research profiles.

I'm happy to eat my own words.
Right after I've caught my own laptop to enable me to eat for a lifetime.

Why blog?

I'm off to London shortly - got a networking evening and then meeting a friend.

I began blogging for the simple reason that I can type faster than I can keep a journal - and although I take notes by hand, I tend not to compile them in type as frequently as I spend time digesting the information.

A big reason is that the digestion of information into knowledge is often prompted by experience.
So info, meets event catalogue in the the shape of a journal - and then there is a limbo period.

I'm not ready to take action on this new thought process. I'm not ready to articulate it externally to friends as its based on an uncertain hierachy of thought. Its also not worthy of being commited to a document - which I consider as a digest of wisdom... so I needed something inbetween.

It seems electronic capture of information and events, allow knowledge to settle before it sets into wisdom that can be commited to an official authored document.

This page is a limbo - I don't want to get into the philosophic/linguistic nightmare of considering what happens when you print a page as a source of authority. Damn print screen function.

I am to attend an MBA - its official now. Its in Creative industries management.
For me to allow myself to view the information I get in as broad a context as possible I'm rephrasing the title as managing Creative initiatives and processes. I'd love to put in values led management but thats just making things up (although there is a social/good governance component to it).

Been considering how this affects my identity. Now I'm not going to roll into the rabbit hole of deliberating over 'WHO AM I?' - I know I'm not Jackie Chan.

n.b - there may be some obscure references - if something grabs your attention that makes little sense, better to skip it than try to integrate it, classify it or ascribe a meaning - its normally just a blip on my mental radar that needed a voice.

The networking I shall attend this evening will be many SMEs establishing their identity. I was reading a document about how they will react in facing the current economic climate.

Okay okay - things seems to be changing on the streets more dramatically than I thought they might. Watching the long foreseen swell in markets, then the waves, then the wrecks on the shore - surely some analysis should have made its way to me. Perhaps the mainstream media isn't offering an enjoyable, or compelling option for the unsteady footed entrepreneur.
What concerns me is that I'm letting this affect me - its early symptoms seem to be awaiting more information. I am reminded of a rabbit I once knew that awaited more blinding light to see if it really was a car.

So - possible reactions: I suggest picking up any magazine, newspaper or speaking to economists for that form of punditary (that the activity of being a pundit?). Their better informed in this area. What I want to know is what is the most resourceful state to be in during this shtstorm - should it indeed turn out to be a shtstorm (honk honk - BAM!).

What is the SME strategic positioning equivalent of a missile silo or a farm with ample agricultural land in Algeria? What is going to be the safest place to set up shop?

Now risk management would imply that this was a calculation everyone would have done prior to start up. Its in their SWOT - I remember reading the paragraph saying... 'and in a possible recession the luxury products may not be valid within the market' - this was in an example business plan regarding furniture. I thought.. "I'll just leave that bit out - I'll be fine".

Petetre (French for perhaps... perhaps I should learn French before sounding like Del boy).

My concern is with the mass encouragement for the Social enterprise movement and also general entrepreneurship - what happens now?
Are these minibusinesses - the businesses that have cookie cuttered and defined their market incredibly tightly in order to be top of their field - going to discover that the geek god and Karma queen outlined in consumer reports, suddenly become average Joe public. And they don't want to learn yoga through their accountancy reports.

Thats just fine - we see survival of the fittest. We see absurdist innovation consolidate towards the market of... not prospective future consumer groups... but an identified solid pack of businesses serving what the market has evolved into.

What we are as stakeholders to the world is often established through our wants - it is then Government's job to identify what is the discrepency between the wants, the 'what can government provide' and the needs of the people.

Hopefully the three align - then we all get material splendour, have our internal core desires met and government ideally has surplus to fund innovation, progression and strategic foreign policy to the mutual benefit of all.

I'm not certain we'll have that as a result of the impending squashed rabbits of the SMEs.
However I am going to step out of the road.

Whether the economic downturn is as devastating as implied by recent events and speculation, there are indicators that something is coming. I'm happy to be mocked whilst standing at the side of the road after a paniced escape from an oncoming bicycle - so long as it grants me greater perspective.

That way... my next move won't be hysterical - maybe I get to climb in the car and ride it somewhere with unexpected accelaration due to the disengagement from activity, seeking of clarity and then reengagement with profitable, productive activity upon a distanced insight into the character of the new market.

There will still be needs, there will still be wants, there will still be - something to do.
Whatever that enterprise is will be conducted by those who have the sense to acknowledge and adapt prior to change arriving to deliver tyre tracks across the face of their business.

Why blog?

Its to interact with the great limbo of thought that also hasn't hit its mark. Concerns, excitements, paranoias, hysteric joy - all those emotions linked to information and events that aren't fully settled. That way, we're not settling into our new knowledge, our new understanding of the market, the world, our identity - in the middle of a superhighway.


p.s - the intention with these is to improve clarity, how concise my delivery is, focus of thought, unity of actions and the ability to disengage one line of thought and pour full attention into the challenges at hand.

Judging by the first two posts - I'm good at disengaging but not fully engaging with single line, narrow pointed thought. Bear in mind the blog is a semi-indulgence.. its a place where I can assume attention. However, I also acknowledge I need to work on digesting the information, or the fragments may as well be information shrapnel or sand in you eye - I'd rather it was a little more nourishing and provided you with the kind of perspective I think is so valuable now.

The Lightbulb moment - 08-08-08

True Story - Is my company - www.truestory.org.uk - (Facebook group - One True Story)
The Lighthouse project - Is a current project (See facebook group UCCA - Lighthouse Rochester)

This blog - The condensation of my thoughts into words before they become actions, die on my lips, become the basis for other thoughts, or whisk up a glorious potential fact/fiction fo pure entertainment.

The True Story is the inclusive story of ALL.
So that comes from observing all that I can observe and that which I can integrate from the observations of others. The Story is the thing that links all of the things that are True to me.

With my company I hope to allow as inclusive a world as possible. A Truer and more complete Story.

I have multitudes of reasons for this. I read in Wired this week that to gain maximum attention you have to tret yourself as if you're a character in a mini-series. Reveal tiny aspects of your identity with each entry. So I shan't include an endless biog at the start.

I wanted to ensure I was writing - that you understood my basic intent and to say - Thank you.
Thank you for being around at the same time as me.
I know what I am embarking on is a journey - its not one I take alone, its not a path I have walked upon alone until this point.

So thank you to those I have met and thank you for reading to those who have begun.
I hope I meet some of you in person - and look forward to taking a restraining order out against those of you with whom I find it necessary.

The material that constructs my day and attracts my attention is from diverse sources.
So it may seem that there are tangents - From here on in I seek to pose a question within the blog title. That way there is a focus and I hope some conclusion upon the thought process by the end - although it may just be a refinement or better articulation by the end.

I may have a sucession of replies to the question by guest writers. I may play Buddha's advocate and reply from a slightly different stance that is not of myself.

But overall - I am a relatively pragmatic person. And I want the blog to stimulate and instigate solutions in the world around us, as well as our inner world.

I don't have much else I wish for this site - except that it be the prompt for questioning things.
And that we support one another in our questions and conclusions and that be a breath of clarity before we do anything and choose to broadcast our truth.

That way - the holistic Story - can contain a little more conciousness, a more open intent and greater potentcy.

Maybe that way...

- The True Story we allow will be one we wake to with joy and go to slumber in peace.

p.s - its not all going to be abstract thought, I'm going to be grounding this with interviews and photos and that... but I want it to be an accurate reflection of the journey, of the story that an individual leads when leading a values lead initiative.

My Lightbulb moment
- Is realising that I find there is an awful lot of darkness out there and that can be through my own fear, my own ignorance and a lack of voices in the dark to inform me as to what to expect.

So the blog - is me turning on the light when necessary, calling out for help, telling you what I find, and focusing and consoldating my experience in one place.

Today - I'm starting.. taking a first step - calling out for direction/guidance and seeing what answer comes back. I'll tell you what did tommorow.